~
There was a man
Called Ancel Keys
Wore white lab coat,
Had knobbly knees
–
Said Ancel Keys,
Without a stutter
“Your heart blows up,
If you eat butter”
–
“Cos’ butter, lard –
That sort of fat,
Is bad for you
And that’s a Fact!”
–
“But Dr. Keys,
Butter is tasty!”
We cried in vain –
“Don’t be so hasty!”
–
But Dr Keys
Did not back down
“’Tis Science!” exclaimed he,
With a frown –
–
“The Science tells us,
My good fellow,
You will die young
If you eat tallow”
–
“And eggs are deadlier
Than if you smoke –
Since eating yolks
Gives you a stroke”
–
“Butter’s delicious
When we feast,
But in there lurks
A hidden beast”
–
“A molecule,
When eaten, that’s
Responsible for
Heart Attacks!”
–
Then hand on heart
He told us all
“Thou shalt not eat
Cholesterol!”
–
With pious eyes,
He clearly stated
“Don’t eat the fat
That’s saturated!”
–
“For even in
The smallest doses
It’s what’s responsible
For thrombosis!”
–
The people then
All started crying
“So what kind of fat,
Must we fry in?!”
–
“Science” said he
“Substantiated,
The fat should be
Unsaturated!”
–
“Replace the fat,
With carbs”, said he
And longer shall
Your living be!
–
Then Dr Yudkin,
Addressed the crowd –
“It’s sugar that should
Not be allowed!”
–
“The bitter truth,
Is in what’s sweet
Too much of it,
You shouldn’t eat”
–
And others too,
They disagreed
What Ancel Keys’
Had theoried.
–
“Goddam”, Thought Ancel
“You English prick!
I’ll show him I’ve
The bigger dick”
–
And in the papers,
He said stuff that,
Made Dr Yudkin
Look like a quack!
–
Discrediting,
In his crusades
What Yudkin said,
For three decades!
–
Things really started
getting muddied,
When Seven Countries,
Ancel studied
–
Quite Carefully he set about
Picking and selecting
The countries guaranteed to be
hypothesis protecting
–
And no surprise
The “Keys Equation”
When published
Terrified a nation!
–
With great lament
The public heard
That Ancel got,
The final word.
–
A pyramid,
He did bestow,
With fats above,
And carbs below.
–
Then Government
Proposed we eat,
A diet high
In whole grain wheat
–
And sugar was,
Not quite the curse
Because the fat was
So much worse!
–
The sugar barons
Laughed with cheer,
For this was what
They yearned to hear!
–
And industries for
Corn, oil and flour,
Their time had come!
This was the hour!
–
Bright cereals
Filled up the aisles,
Packages showing
Children’s smiles!
–
Hands of the few
Received the wealth,
But profits made,
Were not in health!
–
All fifty years
Of eating Wheaties,
Gave to us all
Was diabetes.
~
